What do Simon Cowell, Steve Jobs, Dr. House, Bill Belichick, and Donald Trump have in common?
They’re all assholes… but lots of people (including me) love them anyway. Why is that?
Maybe its envy. Deep down, we would all like to be able to say anything to anyone, cause trouble without consequence, and act without caring what others think.
But we don’t do it.
We can’t bear the shame of becoming an asshole. We’ve been conditioned by centuries of faithful mothers teaching us to mind our manners. We are proud of being polite.
Except… could that be the problem?
I know about a dozen people that make over $1 million per year, and I’d imagine all of them are called assholes on a regular basis. The two seem to go hand in hand, and I think there are reasons why.
Extreme Success Requires Extreme Focus
If you want to be successful, you have to focus. We all know that, but I don’t think many of us understand it.
Focusing means giving one objective all of your attention and ignoring everything else. Dr. House from the House M.D. TV show focuses on saving people’s lives, and nothing else matters to him. He’s willing to cheat, lie, steal, manipulate, and coarse in the pursuit of that end. And it works.
The wealthiest people in the world use the same approach with their finances. Frequently, they’ll:
- Leave behind a trail of broken marriages and forgotten children
- Lose the life savings of their friends and relatives on an ingenious but doomed business
- Refuse to lend anyone money or give to charity
- Avoid unnecessary expenses to the point of miserliness
- Treat everyone that can’t help them as if they’re expendable
We hold up cases like those as “how not to be successful,” but really, I think it’s exactly the opposite. The amount of wealth you’ll accumulate in this lifetime depends on how willing you are to put money ahead of everything else.
Frugal investors become millionaires because they’re willing to give up immediate gratification and luxury for a few decades. Successful entrepreneurs become billionaires because they invest every ounce of their life in the business and convince others to do the same. In each case, someone will inevitably labeled them as a miser, workaholic, or asshole, but they don’t care.
For them, it’s worth the trade-off. So ask yourself: how much are you willing to trade?
Are you willing to let some people think you’re an asshole?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:19 am
Some yes. Most NO.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:21 am
In a word, yes.
I don’t really have a choice in the matter, actually. I’m a pretty decent guy and fairly easy-going, all things considered. But I have one problem: that’s by Quebec cultural standards.
When I step outside that zone, I find that many people consider me cocky and not very humble. So - should I change my personality and 36 years of cultural influence to become someone I’m not for other people? Or should I focus on those that understand that cocky isn’t arrogant and that it’s okay to be proud of accomplishments?
I don’t want to be seen as an asshole, of course, but that’s the risk. I can’t please everyone all the time. What’s important is that, at the end of the day, I know I’m not an asshole.
I’m just a Quebecois
January 29th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Hahahah! I love the above comments by the Quebecois. I remember when Americans didn’t want to be seen as assholes, but now assholery is popular entertainment.
Great article! The women’s version of that is the “B” word.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Some people will always think you’re one anyway, so you might as well run with it in those cases. There are huge trade-offs to be made for extreme success, but more modest trade-offs for less extreme success.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:31 am
It is always night and day with you. Focus is important and it is true that people who hold you back need to be cut out of your life. But I think you paint a bleak picture making it seem that to succeed you must abandon relationships and the like.
If you have healthy relationships with friends family spouse that support you, you will be more successful than if you only focus on your objective.
You can be both driven and focused without being an asshole. The key is to never to do things you do things you do not want to. That doesn’t make you an asshole it makes you someone who knows what he/she wants. Something I value in others.
January 29th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I would not trade all the money in the world to steamroll my family and friends, or compromise my character in the pursuit of money. And, if that is what someone does to define their life, then they may find they have placed their focus on the wrong areas of life.
“You will never know the value of a day until you do something for someone who can never repay you.”
January 29th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
“We hold up cases like those as ‘how not to be successful,’ but really, I think it’s exactly the opposite.”
Successful moneywise and it may be true, but it’s an important word to add, moneywise.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I think you are overlooking the fact that “being an asshole” is an extreme not necessarily related to your success. Plenty of workaholics are good people, too. Sacrifices can be made for your business, but you can be human about it.
Most of the richest folks in the world may be called an asshole more because of envy than of their actual character. Besides Donald Trump and Simon Cowell, I am not sure even the people you list are commonly known as assholes.
Take Bill Belichick. Some might call him an asshole, but they would be misunderstanding the man. He is a quiet, internal individual, and he hasn’t really done anything to deserve the title of asshole. You can consider him cold, but that’s just his nature. He has focus, but he is no asshole.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
@ JSchellman - I wouldn’t compromise myself, my values or my family for money either. Just wanted to make that clear to all.
@ Jacob - I think “asshole” is all in the eye of the beholder. (Ew.) And then, the person has to either scramble to repair what people think of him or shrug it off. Which, of course, makes him appear more of an asshole for not addressing the person’s point of view or defending his behavior. It’s a vicious cycle, no?
The end question is: Are you really an asshole, or do people just think you are? And if they do, does what they think of you really matter?
January 29th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Sorry for the long comment, but I just wanted to give one more example to express my opinion.
@ JChartrand - I agree it’s in the eye of the beholder whether to consider someone an “asshole.”
For the sake of argument, let’s say there is some defined level of rude behavior where someone would commonly be known as an asshole. Wikipedia says an asshole is an “unpleasant person,” so let’s just go with that. With this common definition, being an “asshole” is more about your character and less about your behavior or success in business.
I disagree with Jon’s post because it seems to make the argument that you have to be an asshole to be successful. I think if you go about business in the right ways and with good character, you won’t ever start a vicious cycle of defending yourself.
While some rich people may also have bad character and be considered assholes, that doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole to succeed in life. In fact, you might make the opposite argument that having so much wealth and success turned them into assholes.
That doesn’t happen with everyone. There are plenty of good people–far from assholes–who get rich, very rich. Many athletes donate back to their hometowns, and numerous businesses have specific charity causes.
Take Bill Gates. He is one of the wealthiest men in the world, has been in the same marriage raising a family for years. He just retired from his position with Microsoft to take on philanthropy work full-time. At what point in his life did he decide that he would become an asshole?
Before anyone brings it up, you could say when he ran off with the idea for Microsoft, but in the dog eat dog world of technology companies, no one really calls him out as being a horrible person for jumping on a technology when he had the chance. Let’s no debate that. It seems his life since has far outweighed that event in his life anyway.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
@ Jacob – Before I start, let me put in my disclaimer of “friendly debate” and not “heated argument.” Every good conversation can use one of those.
I think Jon’s post says that successful people are assholes or that perhaps assholes become successful people. I don’t agree with the first view but I do agree with the second view.
I agree specifically because Jon’s argument is sound – these people focus too much on their personal success to the detriment of other people. Hence, these types of assholes do become successful. They also don’t give a damn about what other people think of them, because what other people think only hinders their success. More asshole going on.
Their focus destroys most of the quality of their life while gaining quantity. Hurt people? You’re an asshole. A successful one – because you focused on your success and absolutely nothing else.
Do people need to be assholes to be successful? No. But they do need to be focused and have drive and determination. They need to put themselves out there – and risk being seen as assholes.
So they have the choice to care or not care what other people think.
All of the people here – celebrities, the weathly, bloggers, commentators – have no clue, really, who is an asshole and who isn’t. People in this thread don’t know who is an asshole and who isn’t.
But I can assure you that some people who envy my position with my business think I’m a prime asshole. I’m not. Some others thought I was an asshole but still got to know me. They know I’m not. Will yet more people who have no clue who I am think I’m an asshole as my success progresses?
Oh hell yes. Most definitely. Will I end up being successful with the label of cocky, arrogant bastard who thinks he knows everything? Probably by some, sure. Will others think, “Wow, James is such a good guy, and he worked so hard to be where he is”? Yes. Yes, they will – but only because they got to know me, the person, the character, and understood that everything I do, I do because I want to achieve a goal.
Which isn’t being an asshole.
But reaching that goal is going to mean taking more flack, having a thick skin, and shrugging off what people think, because people judge very quickly too often.
I do have a question. You wrote, “There are plenty of good people–far from assholes–who get rich, very rich. Many athletes donate back to their hometowns, and numerous businesses have specific charity causes.”
I don’t donate to my hometown or to charity or to a church or to a group. Does that make me an asshole? Is giving back the quantifier to define who is a good person and who isn’t? What about the guy just trying to have a good life for himself and his family?
January 29th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Jon and all,
Just a little reminder that jerks are in all walks of life. As Liz, the photographer, said in The Philadelphia Story, talking of whether rich people are bigger jerks, “I knew a plain Joe Smith once. He was only a clerk in a hardware store, but he was an absolute rat.”
Regards,
Kelly
P.S. Hmm… I’ve never heard Steve Jobs being called any such thing.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
@ JChartrand – It seems we are actually in agreement here. Maybe not in how we interpret Jon’s meaning but definitely in our philosophy here.
(Let me also agree that this is a “friendly debate†rather than a “heated argument.â€)
I know that assholes may have a greater likelihood of becoming successful, but I don’t agree with any general statement that “successful people are assholes.†I believe we agree on that point. I think Jon’s post seemed to suggest to me that you should expect to be an asshole to be successful, and I didn’t like that. I think you agree as well.
While, yes, truly successful people have drive and determination, they only have to be assholes in the extreme of these values—shutting everyone and everything else out of their lives and concerns.
As you said and I stated early, I think many people consider successful folks “assholes†out of envy. Unfortunately, as you said, people are quick to make snap judgments, and many may believe you or me to be an asshole just because we have achieved success. By being successful, you put yourself at risk to be an asshole in some minds, BUT I feel that if you are truly a good person, the people who defend you (and know you) outshine the people that try to tear you down. Yes, you have to take some flack from those that initially don’t know you, but anyone that takes the time to get to know you, directly or indirectly, knows the truth.
I don’t think that to be successful, you need to give up not being considered an asshole. Yes, stop obsessing about what others think, but don’t let that also lead you to fall into a philosophy of accepting your asshole-ism.
To answer your question, I pointed out those successful people who donated to charity simply because Jon noted that frequently “the wealthiest people in the world†never lend money or donate to any charities. I don’t feel that not donating defines an asshole, but I do feel that donating may negate someone being an asshole. Many of the wealthiest people in the world support many causes, but that doesn’t make it a requirement. I apologize if I made it seem like that was a requirement. (I actually don’t think there are any requirements for folks to NOT be considered an asshole).
In the end, the main focus of my comments is that I don’t think we should perpetuate calling these successful people assholes—especially when the examples aren’t readily available beyond a couple. Simon Cowell probably really is an asshole.
@ Kelly – Yes, when did Steve Jobs become an asshole? I have never heard that either. Passion seems to be his driving force, but no one has ever hated him for it. (A man that takes an annual salary of $1 and no bonus?)
I think, despite our debate here, we actually agreed the whole time, James. Successful people aren’t assholes, but they must have thick skin and allow their true nature to show through. Now let’s just hope that Jon agrees and is not suggesting—as I think his post might—that we should all accept being assholes to find success.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:50 am
@ Jacob - You’re right; we were standing on the same side of the fence.
I’ve read Jon’s post a few times, and I don’t think he’s saying “to be successful, you must be an asshole.” I think what he’s saying is that “to be successful, you need to have focus and you may be called an asshole. Will that get in the way of your success?”
I see his whole point as being that many people are very - extremely - hung up on being NICE people. They hamper their own achievements and goal-reaching because they care what other people think beyond what they themselves know to be true.
Here’s an example. A client called once, and explained what he wanted. I answered back cheerily and firmly, “We can do that.”
He was stunned. “You sound pretty sure of yourself,” he extended.
“Sure I’m sure.”
“How do you know you can come through?”
“I know because I have the experience, the training, and because I’m that good.” (Remember: Quebecois. We speak pretty plainly.)
“You’ll have to forgive me, James… But you sound like an arrogant asshole.”
Now, I was the one who was stunned. Here I was, proud and confident that I could easily resolve my client’s problem and make him a very happy man… and he’s calling me an asshole. (Since when did being good at what you do become a *bad* thing to talk about?)
Had I done like many other people, I would have apologized, scrambled and demeaned myself and my statement to reassure the client that I’m not an asshole or arrogant.
Instead, I shrugged. “I’m not arrogant or an asshole. I’m Canadian,” I answered. “The politically correct word up here is cocky.”
(Yes, I got the job.)
Negating being an asshole (to continue the debate) shouldn’t have to be about giving away or living on a 1$, honestly. Those are just… well, ploys to make assholes look better or attempts to not be pinned an asshole. Good for people who have the means to donate or give back. They should shut up about it already. I always have the urge to say, “So you’re great. We know. (asshole)” Why do donations have to be so public and big events?
On the other hand, successful people who are seen as assholes - despite what type of person they truly are - tend to be typically smart. They use that negative perception and milk it for all it’s worth. Look at Simon, who became popular for pegging people down? Donald Trump for being a cold businessman? Maybe they aren’t assholes, but looking like one or acting like one got them success…
Hm. I really do need coffee.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
@ JChartrand - I agree. I don’t think people should be so concerned with what others think of them–especially in their business. If you deliver what you promise, you can’t even be accused of being too cocky.
I slightly disagree with your example that you would have to demean yourself or apologize. I think in the context of your conversation, your quick-witted “I’m Canadian” response just added to show your client your high level of confidence in what you do. He was challenging your ability by asking whether you could actually succeed, and a confident response is just good business.
I don’t think you would have earned an asshole for life tag there unless you didn’t deliver on your promise and left him feeling duped by your attitude.
As far as our discussion of negating being an asshole, I was merely explaining why my response to Jon characterizing these people as non-donaters was to call out a few examples of people who do donate.
Those who do donate to charity or have flashy business moves like Steve Jobs taking a $1 may be trying to make a case for their personality or may just be wanting some publicity. Either way, I don’t think that you have to do any one thing to prevent yourself from being called an asshole. You just shouldn’t be one.
Calling them assholes for donating and making a publicity stunt out of it is a little unfair. They usually are trying to generate goodwill for their company, and the public likes to know that companies are giving back–for the most part. It’s not like they are interrupting a primetime broadcast to say it.
I think the reason we are going back and forth here is a different definition of asshole. While you see it as being confident, focused and determined in business, I see it as the negative trait of being overly-focused, abusive/demanding to co-workers and caring about nothing but money/business. I completely understand your desire to be your definition of asshole, but I also don’t consider that to be an “asshole.”
As I am discussing with Jon over at my own blog. I felt that he didn’t clarify that he meant only to risk being called an asshole.
He states in the beginning that all these rich, successful people “are assholes” and only says once that the dozen people he knows are “called assholes.”
The later parts of the post that idolize Dr. House for his cheating and manipulating, and then list off the characteristics that frequently are associated with these “asshole” construct a model for success that I can’t accept.
To quote Jon: “We hold up cases like those as ‘how not to be successful,’ but really, I think it’s exactly the opposite.” Translation: This is how to be successful.
I know he ends his post by asking whether we are willing to let people “think” that we are assholes, but the entire post suggests that an miserly, miserable life as an “asshole” is the way to go to find success. That is what I don’t agree with or accept.
I think you would agree with me on that.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I completely understand your desire to be your definition of asshole, but I also don’t consider that to be an “asshole.”
I started laughing here and couldn’t even finish the rest of your comment, Jacob. That was a good shake of honest realism if I ever read one and I’ll take it to heart. You made my day.
*shakes head and chuckles as he walks away* …my desire to be an asshole… wonder what mom will say?
February 1st, 2008 at 11:55 am
Uncanny! I was just pondering this same thing a day ago. I came to the conclusion that I waste a lot of time caring about people’s thoughts and feelings which amounts to little more than “kharma building”? I’ll always be a nice guy, that’s my nature, but I’m going to let asshole creep in more often and see what happens.
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
Laser like focus=asshole? So When Tiger Woods is at the top of his game and in the zone his character is slipping?
Balance. Being able to focus and go for it is a skill, and a willingness to know the right tool at the right time. No fear in using it. Nothing says you have to be a jerk. Maybe move like water a bit. And let’s just take a look at how gender biased your discussion is here guys….
What do you call a woman who is equally willing to go for the kill? Yep. Thought so.
Playing devils advocate here, why not target a balance between one’s humanity and one’s prowess? Seriously.
All best, Jan
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Thanks for all of the reasoned arguments everyone. This discussion has been going so well that I didn’t want to intervene, but now that things are winding down, let me make a few clarifications.
My point isn’t that you have to be an asshole. You have to be willing to be CALLED an asshole. There’s a huge difference between those two statements.
You see, labels are subjective. If I call you an angel, it doesn’t mean that you’re an angel. It just means I think you’re an angel. Similarly, if the world calls you an asshole, that doesn’t mean anything but that they have a certain perception of you.
Do I think Simon Cowell is an asshole? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that I think he fits the standard denotation pretty well. No in the sense that I like the guy.
The thing is, Simon doesn’t care what I think. When it comes to his job, he measures his performance based on results and nothing else. All super successful people do.
But there are ramifications. If you measure your performance based on results, then you’re inevitably going to do something that’s not popular. It’s unavoidable. Sooner or later, you will make the right decision and everyone will think you’re a jerk anyway.
When that happens, you need to go ahead and do the right thing and let people think what they will. It sounds like common sense, but it’s actually pretty tough.
For instance, parents know they should refuse to let their kids attend certain parties, but it’s hard to say no sometimes. You have to be willing to let your kid hate you for a while. Not all parents can stomach that, and they deal with the consequences.
The same principle applies to business. If you’re not willing to be CALLED an asshole, you’re going to make a lot of bad decisions. Your career and finances will suffer. I guarantee it.
Instead, you’re better off accepting that some people will hate you and moving on with what you have to do. Simon Cowell, Steve Jobs, and Dr. House are excellent examples, if you’re trying to picture what it looks like.
Anyway, I hope that helps. I might write another post or two on it later.
February 5th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Focus - yes
Asshole - that is ultimately out of my control since it’s someone else’s opinion.
I conduct my life with the goal of being respected, even though a part of everyone wants to be liked. I would consider myself a failure if I had multiple marriages or emotionally abandoned kids.
February 5th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
This thread reminds me a lot of Robert Ringer’s “Looking Out For #1″, one of the books I’m in the midst of reading.
-jr
February 7th, 2008 at 8:06 am
You forgot to mention Bill Gates, who gave millions to charity, and was generally a generous and good-hearted man. Yet he continued to remain the richest guy in the world for several years.
You don’t necessarily have to be an asshole to be rich. But I guess when you become rich, you are more likely to become one.
February 10th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Hmmmmm. My reaction after over 30 years of practicing law to the above listed conduct:
1. A client once told me that anyone who would cheat on his wife or children will cheat you in business. This conduct sounds is pretty close. Infidelity to your family is an unforgivable sin and a bad sign that should be headed by partners, lenders, and employees of these types. One’s first and primary obligation must be to family.
2. Luring friends and relatives, who have no reason to know better, into forking over their life savings to a doomed business that isn’t represented as high risk sounds like fraud, misrepresentation, and breach of duty—not to mention old fashioned lack of honesty and candor. Otherwise, the investors, if they knew the risk, got what they could have anticipated.
3. Nobody can be faulted for refusing to lend money or give to charity. It’s not a moral question at all. This factor alone says nothing of one’s honesty or loyalty to partners in business or employees.
4. Likewise, being miserly is no sin and, in fact, might be a sign of devoutness.
5. While boorish and brazen, most employees and partners can pick up enough of a person’s personality to realize their only around as long as they are useful. To a certain degree, all employees are only worth employment as long as they producing more for the employer than they are paid.
February 15th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
What? Where have YOU been? EVERYBODY except M$ fanboys calls out billy bathgates as an asshole. His organization: Billy bathgates protection svcs. Inc. ,is (and has always been) the most widely reviled company in the IT sector.
February 18th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
If you aren’t starting from an attitude of altruism in the first place, then you’re automatically a sleazebag in my eyes.
Two kinds of people succeed at business in my experience, those who get in to help others first, and are rewarded for it, or those who are so ruthless and selfish that they astonish good people out of their livelihoods before they know what hit them. Those in between don’t succeed so much, but they often get by somehow.
Likewise, philanthropists seem to come from two directions: Those that care more about others than themselves, and those who cynically throw a few bones at the rabble to make their own success look less heinous.
March 10th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
Of course you have to go to one extreme or the other to get people excited. The only problem is, I know al sorts of very wealthy people with good marriages, are philanthropic without wanting recognition and in fact are very nice people.
There are assholes in every tax bracket. Just as there are angels with all levels of income.
April 1st, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I think that it is athe middle path that brings both happiness and sucess. Too much focus and your life is out of balance in the Donald Trump direction, too little and your life is controlled by the Donald Trumps of the world.
July 11th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Quite frankly, I find the above article outrageously … horrifying. By rounding up the successful as “assholes” because of some superstar succesful people, (including fictitious individuals) is just scary. The cultural wars where achievers are seen as [insert negative word] is simply wrongheaded and ignorant.
I know several dozen millionaires, and every one of them are hard-working, lovable, good-natured individuals. Every one. That’s because making money requires building relationships, networking, and people liking you.
It’s called self-marketing.
I’ll wager you aren’t rich, and with such a mindset, I hope you won’t be. You don’t get rich because you’re an ass. And you don’t become an ass because you are rich.
If anything, all you did was link FAME and being an asshole. Now there you might have somethin.
July 12th, 2008 at 8:35 am
I think if you want to know just how far you can go, focus is very important. Personally I hate mediocrity, because if you can get from the “below average” level to the “middle” level, then with more focus and will power, you can achieve an “above average” status.
I see the huge potential in tons of people around me, and it sometimes make me wonder or even disappointed why those people do not try to realize their potentials.
I wonder about contentment and how many people who preach it truly lives in it. Or is it a fear of stepping ahead of everyone, no longer able to follow someone’s back, into the less trodden roads of ‘above average’?
Good post Jon!
July 13th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Having met many highly successful artists and musicians, world class artists and musicians in fact, I’d have to completely agree with you sir. In fact, you answered a life long question of mine. Which is, “Why are they so cruel?” Even when these folks I’ve known are perfectly polite, there’s always a very cold edge to them.
And you’re right. It’s their focus. They’ve sacrificed EVERYTHING, and I do mean everything, in order to be the best at what they do. It’s a terrible price, one that I’ve never been at all interested in paying, but it must be done in order to do something truly and deeply remarkable.
And frankly, I’m suspicious of “philanthropy”. Given the level of monomania I’ve seen in the art world, I’d assume a similar level (perhaps more) exists in the business world. Being hyper-committed to philanthropy is not much better than being hyper-committed to anything else really. A philanthropic organization is just another organization for the most part. Many friends of mine with certain political viewpoints have much to say about philanthropy in this context.
This is a terrible duality, to be sure. We’ve all collectively created a social system where perfectly good, well meaning people, like so many I’ve known, are forced to perform superhuman tasks in order to succeed. Much of that is due to how we’ve collectively decided what “success” means. I’m sure that someone somewhere has written a very long and complicated sociology thesis on the social perceptions of power, wealth, and social status.
But I honestly think it boils down to this: We all want to be “good”, and strive for that; but what “good” means seems muddled and confused in our social contexts. We cannot be “assholes”, but we MUST be focussed. Perhaps that is a task that is impossible for a human being, or most.
Just my two cents. Thanks!
Just my two cents. Thank you sir!
July 15th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
These people we call assholes and Jerks doesn’t have the essence to be envied upon - they might appear to be on top of the world but beneath their oriental Rug is what you shouldn’t be envied upon - yeah they’ve got the Money / Power / Prestige & Lots of Asskissing admirers but Lacks Peace of Mind True friendship, Happiness and Lasting Relationship people admire them with an eye on their pockets - If they lose it all Tomorrow what would they have Left show ??? only pity from their Mom and a Highschool Buddy they’ve never bother to Call in a decade ; these people do use people and love money - call it a temporary power rush , personally i wouldn’t want to be in their own personal misery ;
I’ve met assholes that comes & Goes, worst thing of all when you’re on a ship with assholes for a crew shooting bullets to the floor or Being married to the Mother of one of them, i’ve been married for Eight years with the Mother of my five grown ups, i get along well with every one of them, i’ve worked hard towards having a good relationship with them, they consider me a sociable and responsible stepfather, however there’s only “one hair on my soup” what i mean by that is that: one of them turned out to a real Jerk, i can’t say i’ve never tried because i did my best throughout these years to be his best Friend, he’s the type of Characters who’s primary goal is to set himself apart from his own family - how do i know this - i had a private discussion with one of his Brothers and later on My Wife finally admitted that he’s always been that way since growing up in the family he always wanted expensive stuff and will only marry a girl for the money, Money is his main course meal - Good People comes second , i have learned to accept his ways and wouldn’t hate him for that, is just his main principles is what i cannot accept, i won’t get discouraged from being Good to others even his own girlfriend who’s the opposite to him, she recently Bought me a small father’s Day present , Life Goes On after all — For those sharing similar experience my advice is to remain calm, don’t lower yourself at their level, Confronting them might solve the problem if you have the proper words handy and chances that you’d take, watch how you put it if not don’t make a fool of yourself, some people can turn your words around then accuse you of being the ultimate Jerk, remember - pride goes before failure - best of all Just ignore them next time you have a chance, meanwhile focus on your pursuit to Cultivate Good friends & financial success, measure people for “who they are ” regardless of socioeconomic status .- Lou
For those who might have similar experiences and have further questions please,drop me a Line.
July 15th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
In case my email doesn’t show write to : WorldWildWest@aol.com
August 14th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Wow. I wouldn’t say you HAVE to be an asshole to be a success or a millionaire. Most millionaires actually are NOT assholes. They’re business men and women who can’t afford to be assholes. While it’s easy to name the few flamboyant and notable assholes -such as Trump and Simon, behind the scenes they do a lot of not-so-asshole like donations and work. They’re not pure evil - but are often assholes. What’s amazing is the fact that so many people bend over backwards to try to impress them- to gain their favor. Why?
Anyway - I can be abrupt, get angry and rarely tolerate stupidity. People who insist on continuing to be stupid in my presence month after month may suffer my ire and call me an asshole…but am I an asshole? I don’t think so. And I don’t you have to be to be successful. It is one option and one which many people choose, but there are others.
September 18th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
You don’t have to abandon your family and step on others to be driven or successful. You don’t even have to do those things to be an asshole. There are plenty of other ways to do it.
You’ve missed the mark here. Cheating others isn’t the way to be a successful asshole; the real way is to forget the critics. Critics are always telling you that you can’t do this or that, and they’re the ones who will consider you an asshole when you show extreme focus. Ignore them; don’t let them turn you into a wishy-washy, soulless non-innovator.